My Ikigai: How I Knew What I Wanted to Become

A question every kid gets asked at least once in their school days, "What do you want to be when you are older?" Most probably kids' answers would be 'doctor', 'engineer', 'teacher' or something like that. But some don't know what they want to be and believe that they want to become one of these.  But one kid in my class, when this question was asked, said that she doesn't know what she wants to be, and guess who that is? That's me. Here I’m going to share my experience on how I found my purpose. So, what's it like to live without a purpose? I guess some of you might know that feeling – A little bit confusing, isn’t it?

Purpose gives a sense of direction and it gives us a reason to live. You may ask, “No one knew what they wanted to do from their birth?” Yes, that's true. I didn't want to let myself be that kid who doesn't know what to become. Once I knew that I had no answer for that question, I started wondering what my purpose really is.

Before that, what does 'purpose' really mean? Let me explain that with my favourite concept, Ikigai, a Japanese concept meaning 'reason for being'. It is said in that concept that Ikigai gives a reason to jump out of bed happily every morning. It’s something you are good at, benefits the world, can be paid for, and especially you love doing. Any action that intersects all these 4 aspects becomes the Ikigai. It doesn’t matter if you are no good at something but love doing it; that’s your Ikigai.

So, coming back to my search for my Ikigai. I did Maths for my A/Ls and thought that was my purpose, but I only loved pure and not applied, and that didn’t seem useful for real life. After school I worked as a clerk at a logistics company for a year and thought that was my Ikigai, but no (routine work was not my thing). Then came this IT phase, where most of my friends were interested and dived into it. But I knew that was a big no-no for me for no specific reason, just listening to my gut feelings.

Later I was selected for urban informatics & planning at the University of Moratuwa and decided to join, as I didn’t know what else to do. Now I’m studying it, a course that not many people even know exists, and I’m still figuring out how I feel about it.

I always loved cooking, so I wondered whether cooking is my purpose but am not ready to be in a stressed kitchen; I want to enjoy it calmly. I even tried teaching some kids, and yes, that didn't work out either, because I find it boring. I always thought of doing something cool. Finding my Ikigai is like finding a soulmate, except harder because I already found my soulmate, but I still couldn’t figure this out.

So how did I know what I wanted to become, or how did I find my Ikigai? I didn’t! I haven't figured it out yet. But that’s okay; not everyone figures it out early, and that doesn’t mean you’re lost. I’m in the process of letting go of the things that are not my purpose from my life while trying new things every day. I won't stop trying until I figure it out. I won't get tired – I swear.

Even now I’m trying to find whether I have a path in writing, by writing this blog. Even if this doesn’t work out, I’ll try something else again… This is my journey on the search for my Ikigai, not perfect but real, which I wanted to share with those who don't know what to do with their life. It’s okay not having it all figured out, and it’s okay living without a clear purpose for now. Just keep trying everything. One day it’ll all make sense!!!